Strawberry Blonde
by flitz123
Summary: Calloused hands grasped around my arms causing my breath to become heavy and weak, his eyes emitting so much anger that it chilled me to the bone. He lowered his head slightly but in such a slow manner that it only intimidated me further. "I hate you," each word he uttered dripped with coldness, battering my heart. Stiles/Lydia centric
1. Chapter 1

Summary

Calloused hands grasped around my arms causing my breath to become heavy and weak, his eyes emitting so much anger that it chilled me to the bone. He lowered his head slightly but in such a slow manner that it only intimidated me further. "I hate you," each word he uttered dripped with coldness, battering my heart.

* * *

When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want, but not what you need  
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse  
And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

November 13th, 2 months since he stopped all communication with me. Everyday it had hurt more, each day making the reality of what he said more true. He hated me. Thinking the words made me flinch.

"Lydia!"

I was snapped out of my reverie at Scott's voice, the only person I felt I really had. I had never grown close with Kira or Malia. Allison and Aiden's death only created my days to be spent in further isolation as the voices grew and the corpses found me, I felt utterly alone.

"Yeah," my voice faded out, drifting with my thoughts.

"Class was over 5 minutes ago, I've been calling your name," his voice went softer, sympathy coating his eyes, although he didn't know the details, he was aware something had occurred, to cause a rift between Stiles and I.

I nodded simply, collecting my things. I tied my hair into a ponytail and tightened the waist band on my sweats, my appearance no longer a concern for me.

"Come sit with us, we miss you and your Lydia-ness," Scott joked, a smile bared on his face.

I forced a smile back, maybe that's what I needed. I followed him out of class, my flats padding against the cream hallways. I caught sight of my reflection in the cabinet mirror, I looked terrible. My skin had a green hue and my eyes had dark violet bruises under my eyes, I no longer looked like a vibrant high school student, but still even my dreadful demeanour still didn't bring me to care and somewhere deep in my mind that scared me.

We walked to the outdoor lunch table, the sight of what was before me confused me deeply. The whole group was laughing, Stiles' hand was toying with Malia, their thighs uncomfortably close, Scott walking to Kira giving her a passionate kiss and Liam's jaw open as a group of girls walked pass. They didn't need me.

I spun around ready to leave, muttering, "Please don't see me. Please don't see me." quietly under my breath.

"Lydia, stay!"

 _Dammit Scott._

I stopped in my tracks, twisting back towards them. They all went quiet, all looking at me intently, like an alien like being, except for Stiles his gaze simply flickered to the trees.

"You can't sit in the bathroom everyday Lydia," Malia spoke, condescendence and arrogance whirling around her.

Something clicked within me, I finally felt it. It was like a bundle of broken sparks had finally erupted within me. My melancholy attitude replaced with annoyance, anger and jealousy, the most positive emotions I had ever felt the last few months, but I knew I couldn't ruin it by letting it out.

"Okay," I said through gritted teeth.

I watched as Scott and Kira moved down the bench, I sat on top of the icy bench, my skin recognising the November air, I was not dressed for the weather. The cold made my teeth chatter, I could feel myself turn numb.

"So..."Liam tried, attempting to break the awkward tension between us all.

Maybe this was my chance to make everything normal.

"I heard about this great diner 60's style, we should go. Tomorrow maybe?" I said, the excitement in my voice genuine and foreign to my ears.

Looking around I saw glances being exchanged, Stiles however just took off his jacket, an action I found odd.

"Lydia... The thing is we're going to see Stiles' cousin live in Rumford county," Kira explained. The smile that was once on my face faded away.

"Stiles are you sure you can't get another person in?" Scott asked. Stiles kept his face pointed in the other direction.

"I'm sure. There is no room in the car anyway."

* * *

 _Flashback_

 _Tears poured down my cheeks, Stiles' comforting hand on the small of my back as I wept from stress into his shoulders. He tightened his arms around me, my tears wetting his shirt._

 _"Lyds, I know what will cheer you up."_

 _I squeaked into his chest, he took this as a 'go on', although I hadn't meant it in that way._

 _"My cousin's opening for the Drifters in November, I got tickets for the 2 of us, I don't have enough for us all, so I thought it could just be us two. Unless of course you want to bring someone else. Like I don't mind but I don't want anyone else to feel left out, do you get me? But if it is someone completely different, or you don't want me to come, would be fine too. But I wouldn't feel safe if you were by yourself, so I think I should come, but if you don't want me to be around is fine, unless you do, it could be like a date, I don't know what I'm saying."_

 _"Stop talking!" I snapped at him, I had barely caught any of what he had said._

 _"Okay," he replied in ever calm fashion, not a tinge of annoyance, but rather disappointed._

 _"I don't want to go see your cousin, okay? I have heard enough noises in my life."_

 _"Fine."_

 _He stopped. What I hadn't realised was how I had hurt his feelings, something I often forgot._

* * *

"No, you know what guys, its fine," I said to them, I wasn't going to let this put me into the depression I had been in as of recent.

I could see the surprise on their faces from my different persona.

I was startled when I felt the table jerk upwards, causing my elbows to jump. Stiles had gotten up avoiding us all as he did so. There was an angered expression on his face, he stormed away with his fists clenched, it was like deja vu.

Everyone looked around uneasily just as Malia decided to go after him. I heaved a sigh, he still hadn't cooled off, perhaps he was really never going to forgive me. Scott and Kira filed out next, their eyes watching me as they exited, that left me and Liam. I saw Liam's body shift, I assumed he was about to go as well, but he just looked at me with intensity.

"Am I missing something?" he asked.

"No," I answered shortly.

"I've sensed something between you and Stiles when I first saw you guys, I didn't know what it was because Malia was always around, but I could see it, he really liked you, and then in September something happened. He avoided you at all costs, you completely switched off. What happened?"

I didn't give Liam enough credit, although he is younger he wasn't all too dumb. That then posed the question, what did happen that day? I completely ignored the cause, the reason as to my current state, the initial domino that had fallen. And I wasn't ready to think about it now.

I shook my head at Liam, not ready to give up any answers, I wasn't ready to admit it to myself yet. Liam joined his other friends, going to his own classes, I probably should have gone too, however something else had caught my eye. Stiles' jacket, it was neatly folded on the side, where he had sat. Had he had left the jacket for me?

As much as I tried to convince myself it was the heartbroken girl speaking, I couldn't shake the feeling he had left it for me. Stiles never wore a t-shirt on its own without something else covering it, and in this weather I couldn't think as to why he would leave it. Nor was Stiles the type to forget, he remembered everything, was this a sign or not?

The question played in my mind as I took hold of the jacket, placing the soft fabric between my fingers, the warm cotton was dosed in his scent, something I hadn't known I was accustom to before. I placed the jacket to my nose, inhaling 'him' as deeply as I could, I probably wouldn't get the chance to have it again.

I pocketed my arms in the sleeves of his jacket, the mellow heat being welcomed by my skin. My body was consumed by the jacket, its size draping around my small frame. I let the feeling succumb me for a moment, I let myself smile.

* * *

 _Their bodies were cloaked in a thin black sheet, outlining skeletons, their spines curved and the sound of movement brittle as they surrounded me. Where was I? My voice tried a scream, but came out hoarse, just louder than the sound of a pin drop. My body thrashed, my arms and legs flailing about, only hitting each other with chains suffocating my flesh, angry red marks painting my arms._

 _The first creature turned, his face inching closer, so much closer, a creak coming from its body as it turned. My face inched closer to see it, but as I did the action it snapped it's head back, but its body proceeded to come closer._

 _The room felt like an enclosed chamber of sorts, green velvet walls and silvery thin material pleating its way through the refurbishment, it was as if I was trapped in Voldemort's bathroom._

 _My heart pulsated within my chest, the beats coming so fast it hurt._

 _'12 5 15 ' '12 5 15' '12 5 15 ' '12 5 15' They began to chant._

 _The sounds were desperate, suffocated._

 _'12 5 15 '_

 _"Wh-"_

My breathing went ragged as I awoke from my dream, a nightmare rather. I blinked a couple of times, my senses regaining itself. I felt raw ice under the palms of my hand, the texture under me turning into wet string. Looking down I found grass, though it was hard to make out from the dimly lit nightlights out on the road.

Had I slept walked?

My mind felt hazy as I recalled my dream, memories of what I had just seen chipping away. '12 5 15 ' I told myself the numbers out loud, saying it as I stood up, air sticking to my damp skin. I pulled the sleeves of his sweater harder, walking crookedly.

I squinted in the darkness, my head spinning from befuddlement. I crept forward, recognising the logo, I was in the school field. My knees felt weak as I trudged through the patches of dark green, making my way to the parking lot.

I got my car keys out and clambered into the driving seat, closing the door I looked at my phone and read the times. It was 01:31, my eyes nearly popped out. I rubbed my face to wake me up slightly before starting the engine and driving. I didn't think about where I was driving, I just pressed the pedal and went, the voices controlling my hands and feet. I just needed to be safe, awake, that was all I thought.

But when I had finally arrived, I realised I wasn't home, I was at Scott's house. I couldn't pin point as to why I had come here, but my head guided me to his front door. The door rattled for a minute then 2 faces appeared in my vision, one with a baseball bat and the other with insipid yellow eyes.

For the first time since Allison and Aiden's death, I laughed, but not just a giggled, it was a laugh that made me double over, one that cut through the wind's silence.

Eventually Scott joined in, his fangs reclining and his eyes returning back to their normal state, and for a second I thought the corner of Stiles' lips turned up a little bit, but he had turned away so fast I wasn't sure I had seen it.

Scott ushered me in, both being in a fit of laughter.

"Why are you here?" Scott asked, making me sober up instantly.

"I-I don't know, I had a nightmare and woke up on the school field and then the next thing I know I'm here," I explained to him in a hush voice.

"Don't worry my mom's working a double shift at the hospital, you don't have to whisper."

I nodded and followed him into his bedroom where I saw Stiles was already in, seemingly animated in a book, his eyebrows furrowed and his hair messed up.

From the corner of my eye I saw Scott look in between us, shaking his head as he watched me stare at him, my expression sombre.

"I'm gonna get a snack, do you want some Lyd's?" he asked.

I shook my head at him, taking a seat on his chair, my eyes trained on Stiles who was laying on the bed.

"Stiles?" I asked.

 _He didn't reply, but the slight twitch of his pinky finger told me he had heard me._

 _"Thanks for your jacket, I was really cold," I told him knowing I wouldn't get a response._

 _I unzipped his hoodie and pulled my sleeves out, I handed him his grey jacket, but again, he didn't do anything but turn the page of his book as I held my hand out. I heaved a sigh, getting up and tucking the grey jacket in between the arm that was lifted to read and his body, I could see him stop breathing._

 _I missed his voice comforting me, I wanted it. I wanted him to care about what just happened, about the nightmare I would've told him about 5 minutes prior to me coming in, on the phone. I didn't just want it or crave it, I needed it._

 _Before I even knew what I was doing I snatched the book out of his hands and chucked it to the other end of the room, but he still didn't spare a glance my way._

 _I placed my small hands on his pasty white cheeks, not in a harmful way, but in a passionate force. He closed his eyes, his breaths coming heavily._

 _"Please, stop," he whispered, I let go of his face, but the pain in his voice broke me._

 _I couldn't give up just yet._

 _"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I repeated, tears falling down my cheeks, liquid blurring my vision._

 _"Lydia, don't do this to me," his voice quivered as he said it, he squeezed his eyes tighter._

 _He shook his head at me._

 _"How many times do I have to say it to you? I didn't mean any of it, you don't get it do you? I'm in love with you! I always have been. I just never showed you. I love how your the bravest of us all even without supernatural powers. I love how you never let anything get in your way to stop you from solving a mystery. I love how you told me I was beautiful when I cried. I love how you always showed me who I truly was. I loved dancing with you. I loved it when you held me close to your chest. I love how you always wanted to make sure I was alright. I love how you always were there for me. I love you Stiles Stilinski, more than you could ever know!"_

 _I was almost out of breath, I wanted to keep going until I saw his hazel eyes open._

 _"Lydia, I waited every day for you but it was you who told me we never had a chance to be together, it was you who told me we didn't belong together. It was you who told me we came from different worlds. It was you who ignored me every day of Middle and High school. It was you who ruined a chance of us ever being together. It was you Lydia Martin, its too late now. I'm with Malia now."_

 _His gaze didn't intimidate me any longer, neither did his speech, it only stung, but it didn't tear what I felt in the slightest way._

 _I leaned in and kissed him._

That was how I imagined it went, but here I was staring at him, his face still immersed in the book, with no twitch of his pinky finger. My fantasised bravery stopped short in reality. I took off his jacket and placed it on the chair, rushing past Scott as he came adorned with potato chips and a cola.

'Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid,' I scolded myself mentally.

 **Author's note**

 **How awesome was Stydia last night? #Stilesstilllikesher :) I love them so much if you can't tell already. I haven't watched all the seasons of teen wolf, but have seen clips of Stydia, I watched the pilot and season 5, it is so good, I'm hooked. This has been playing in my mind since 2 days ago. I just want Stydia to be canon and for Derek to come back and complete my brotp which was Sterek (I saw clips of them too). Can you review and stuff, so I know people like what I am writing? It would be much appreciated. Love you all.**

 **YAYAY**

 **Sofia**

 **xx**


	2. Chapter 2

Summary

Calloused hands grasped around my arms causing my breath to become heavy and weak, his eyes emitting so much anger that it chilled me to the bone. He lowered his head slightly but in such a slow manner that it only intimidated me further. "I hate you," each word he uttered dripped with coldness, battering my heart.

* * *

So then I took my turn,  
Oh what a thing to have done,  
And it was all yellow.

Your skin,  
Oh yeah your skin and bones,  
Turn into  
Something beautiful,  
Do you know,  
You know I love you so,  
You know I love you so.

I swam across,  
I jumped across for you,  
Oh what a thing to do.  
'Cause you were all yellow.

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

 **Stiles' POV**

'I hate her', those were all the words I usually needed to calm myself down, to stop wishful thinking, to end my hopeful dreams, which all centred around Lydia Martin. The girl I had placed in the middle of my heart since 3rd grade, but I felt it everyday. Each time I avoided her gaze, something I use to pry out of her, wrenched a little more of my gut.

I needed her, but she didn't need me, that was how it had always been. That was how it was different with Malia, someone who was simple to understand, basic. Someone with respect for me, someone who depended on me, someone who welcomed my help.

But as much as I tried to remind myself of this monologue, I couldn't rid myself of the feelings I felt for Lydia, it only grew stronger with my avoidance. Every time I knew she wasn't looking I would stare endlessly at her face, filled with such sadness and depression each day, I thought perhaps if I just reminded her of every good thing that has ever happened in her life that maybe I would see that smile again, where her cheeks would pop out and her dimples would brighten her eyes.

I couldn't do that though, because I hated her. I knew I sounded like an idiot, but it wouldn't be good for us both, my obsessive nature only put her off and left me in the way I was in now. In the perfect world things would be different.

Today however wasn't like the days previously, it was strange and out of place, but I felt it, her. I could feel some sort of chemical reaction bubble in her mind when she sat down with us, something she hadn't done for the last 2 months. Her smile and positive attitude felt like she was mocking me, showing me how she couldn't care less of my own treatment of her. Even as it hurt, I knew there were some things that I couldn't stop, especially my care for her well being.

Every thing to do with her hurt, seeing her shiver 'hurt causing me to leave my jacket for her, but my weakness to my feelings hurt too. Her smile lifted my own emotions but it slapped my own being with the fact that she didn't need me. I just needed it to stop hurting, but every corner I turned I would see her sad pouty lips and her large doe eyes and if I didn't see her I felt myself panic, wondering if she was alright.

I dropped the book onto Scott's bed, I hadn't even been paying attention to it, it was just a distraction from Lydia, I couldn't look her way, it only hurt more. I itched to go after he as she ran away from the room, me. Scott entered the room setting whatever he had down on the table, looking at me with suspicion.

"What did you do?" he asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders at him, I honestly didn't know why she took off like that, all I knew was that she had stared at me for the whole duration Scott was gone. Scott threw me my jacket, looking at me.

"Dude, you need to talk to her," Scott informed me.

I stayed silent.

"Its not just her being weird, its you too, you're completely gone. You're whole personality has changed. You need her."

The end of his sentence angered me, it wasn't just me who noticed how much I needed her, it was him who saw it as well, even when I didn't even talk to her for 2 months. My fists took a handful of his bed sheets, twisting them with my fingers, releasing my anger.

"Cool it. I'm sick of your anger issues, do you have I.E.D too?"

"You don't get it!" I shouted, my voice so loud it vibrated his bed frame.

"What don't I get? That you're in love with her? That she is in love with you? That you two not being together crushes you two inside?" Scott howled back.

"She doesn't love me," I said quietly, my eyes looking down.

Scott stood up and slapped my arm. "You're one of the smartest guys I know, and you don't see it? How much she loves you? She went into fucking depression since you didn't talk to her. Have you seen her? She is wearing sweatpants, she never wear effing sweatpants! She doesn't stop gawking at you! Get it through your damn skull! Talk to her! You can't stand to see her sad or in any pain. I saw how you left your jacket for her because she was cold, you can't help it. When we all left, I saw her pick it up and smell it, Stiles, she smelt it! She misses you that much!" by the time he finished he had grown hair on the side of his face and his wolf side was out.

My head span, she smelt me?

"Dude, ARE YOU LISTENING!?"

"YES!" I roared back.

"THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!"

"OKAY!"

We both calmed down, but he was still looking at me with disbelief.

"What?" I asked confused.

"NOW!"

"Oh right," I said getting up and grabbing my grey jacket. I left Scott's house, my heart beating, maybe she did like me.

I drove down the road, trying to plan what I was going to say, but the thoughts circling around my mind stopped me from formulating a clear thing. I could see Lydia's car driving almost maniacally, she was going to crash if she didn't slow down. I tried my hardest to keep up but she was going too fast.

 _'Slow down Lydia, please'_

With my free hand I got my mobile phone, dialling her number, the only one I had ever memorised properly. My head looked up and down like a bobble head as I tried to pay attention to what I was typing and her car.

 _'Come on, Lyds pick up!'_

The beeps rang before she finally picked up. "Lydia slow down," I said quietly into the phone, I didn't want to startle her.

"Its not me Stiles, its the voices, I don't know what they're doing," she sounded on the verge of tears.

I sped up my car, thanking God that the other lane was empty I skipped onto the other lane.

"Lydia are you able to jump out?"

"N-No."

I needed what I was about to do next to go perfectly or else both our lives were on the line. I swerved my own car in front of hers, the boot colliding with the front passenger seat, breaking her left hand side wheels and creating large craters in her car.

I pocketed my phone and ran to her.

 **Lydia's POV**

 _'Slow down Lydia, please'_

Another voice in my head, but this one was different, this one sounded like him, this one gave me comfort. I felt my pocket buzzing, I tried to get my fingers in my pocket but the voices wouldn't let me, how do I pick it up.

 _'Come on, Lyds pick up!'_

It was that same voice in my head, I pressed my pocket up to my elbow hoping I somehow pressed the button.

"Lydia are you able to jump out?"

 _Stiles?_

"N-No."

Just as I answered, I looked in the side view mirror, Stiles was there in his car, it wasn't fake. Before I knew it Stiles' car sped next to me in the other lane, hitting me in the side. My body jolted at the impact, the car shaking, but the voices stopped, they were gone. The constant rustle in my mind was silent, gone.

The car door opened Stiles' arms going under my knees and behind my back, picking me up bridal style, worry lines creasing his forehead. Was me getting hurt what it took for him to look at me?

"Stiles?" I called out as he walked us to his own jeep, which strayed from damage. He looked down at me, his eyes glimmering in the night.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"The voices stopped, their gone," I croaked. I lifted one hand to his skin, stroking his cheek to make sure he was there. He smiled down at me making my knees turn to jelly even though I wasn't standing up.

"That's great beautiful," he said, his minty warm breath fanning over me.

"You're talking to me?" I said in shock, my eyes widening a fraction.

"Yeah." He placed me at the back, leaning my head against a seat, strapping me in like I wore a straight jacket. He clambered into the front seat and drove.

"Stiles, can you talk? I missed your voice," I didn't create a filter in my mind, I didn't care, I was going to be 100% honest with him, but mostly because of the impact I knew I had to my head.

"What do you want me to talk about?"

"Us, me and you."

"There is nothing to say there," he stated almost reluctantly.

"Yes there is, there is a lot to say. Like, do you still hate me?"

He paused, it felt like a lifetime before he spoke.

"Yes."

My whole world shattered right then and there. My head began to hurt harder than when I had first hit it, I closed my eyes waiting for it to subside.

* * *

 **Stiles' POV**

I lied. I'm a liar. I didn't imagine it going this way, I was meant to sweep her off her feet. We were both meant to declare our love for each other, but instead I said I hated her. I was too nervous to tell her the truth, tell her how much I loved her, too scared of being rejected, and now she lay strapped in my back seat thinking I hated her. I turned my head briefly, it looked as though she was passed out.

Was this how life was meant to work? Were we destined to be this way? I knew it was wrong, the way I felt about her, it was too strong to feel normal, I had Malia, I should be satisfied, but I wasn't. I couldn't keep my feelings for her a secret, because Scott knew, and if Scott knows that means Kira will know and then it will spread to the whole pack, and Malia would never forgive me, and nor should she.

I couldn't let that happen.

"Stiles, how did it go?"

"Scott, I realised we would never be together, everything I felt for her, it was just a crush, nothing more, I'm not in love with her. I love Malia."

Before he had the chance to reply I hung up on him, I wasn't a very good liar and I knew if I kept the conversation going he would have found out the truth of what had happened.

 **Author's note**

 **I know it isn't very long, its like 1000 words off what it should be but I really couldn't think of anything to write. I know its not very good, I'm not exactly a writer, just a Stydia obsessed kid. Thanks for everyone who favourite, followed and reviewed, really appreciated it. I'm looking for a good Stydia fic, but I can't find any, can you guys recommend anything? Although I had a writer's block, I do have it all planned out, do you guys have any predictions? Do you guys ship Sterek too?**

 **Sofia**

 **xxxx**


End file.
